The calming night slips its velvet arms around me as we drive to the country. The stranglehold of this day, steeped with harried and helpless frustrations, eases its grasp every so slowly. The spicy tang of drying geranium, tarragon, mint and bicopa infuse the air with soothing fragrance. We're on our way to the farm, delivering the remains of once lush potted flowers and greenery to the forest floor, letting it become part of the rich loamy earth. It's the second trip of the season, completing the job of putting the town garden to bed for the winter. Perhaps some brave seeds will take root and flourish next spring with unexpected blossoms in the bush. Wouldn't the partridge be pleasantly surprised next summer to find cosmos decorating their living room!

I love the gentleness of twilight. There's a peacefulness found only at this fleeting time that is unique (I like to think) to our corner of the country. The soft colours linger on the horizon providing the perfect backdrop to bring the boreal forest into striking silhouette. This benediction from God is gratefully received this evening.

When I go to work, my goal for the day always is to provide care thoroughly, efficiently and effectively in order to make someone's life more comfortable, to support their health, to offer love & support at whatever level I can. Today, strips of those goals were ripped from me, leaving me raw, angry and stinging with frustration. I was meeting only the most basic needs, relying on students too much, giving only token acknowledgement to the role of mentor.....and the patients are so frail.....so sick.

5:1.........that's the magic ratio and management mantra. Doesn't matter how much care your patients need (unless you're assigned to "the vent"). "Every other hospital manages with 5:1, so will you. Don't hold management hostage by submitting workload grievances. No, we are not replacing any of the three full time staff deleted from the unit. We will strategize to distribute the work among different shifts. We will have a unit meeting, but no increased staffing is forthcoming."

Jaw clenched, reaching for a chart with a page full of new orders at three o'clock I read......"start IV for antibiotic". The manager's heels tap into the station and she asks how things are going. With frustration overflowing, the words fly out of my mouth. In her wisdom (or so that families and visitors didn't overhear) she took me to her office to finish. To her credit, she heard me out. However, I was assured that nothing will change.  So.......the IV started and ready for evenings to begin antibiotics, a cool sip of water given and the hot cheek kissed....I turn to charting the shift's work, placing a call to a doc, checking the student's charting and so grateful for an effecient new grad able and willing to carry a challenging load herself.

Tomorrow, I'm sure the sick call will not be replaced again. Whatever happened to......

Wow, Leah thought it would probably be spring before I wrote again. Now, two seasons later than that I'm giving myself a shake!

There's a pot of quartered apples bubbling on the stove. What a lovely fragrance wafting through the house. We'll have applesauce for a treat. Maybe I'll take some to work tonight.....should be just right about 4:00 a.m. H-m-m-m-m.....a gingersnap would be perfect with that eh? Maybe tomorrow I'll make a gingerbread square. Fall is the perfect time to have the oven on, filled with warm spicey things that flood your home with the promise of cozy, yummy snacks to share with your dearly beloved.

Once again our ash tree is developing into a tower of crimson and gold flame. I love that it's just outside the bay window. The computer is in Leah's old room so I spend a fair bit of time here surrounded with "Leah memories" while I read e-mails from the girls and watch the seasons reflected in this lovely tree. When it's warm outside, I take my coffee and Bible onto the patio (under the bay window) and relax with sparrows in the garden while I have devotions.

Autumn is such a gift from God.

Thoughts on winter:

-I love diamond snow. You know, the kind that sparkles like diamonds as it falls and carpets the ground with a million points of  brilliant light.

-It can be very beautiful; especially living on the shores of Lake Superior with the Sleeping Giant on the horizon.

-It is very cold having to drive around with no heater or fan in your vehicle; necessitates having the window open an inch to prevent frosting on the very coldest days.

-It is s-o-o-o-o dark. I'll be very happy to see the sun again at supper time.

-How long can it last anyway? Spring must be on its way.....I'm getting seed catalogues in the mail!

I have yellow and purple mums in a planter beside the back door. It's a nice spot of colour now that the garden is about done.

And of course the ash tree is a tower of flame......so beautiful.

God's artistry never ceases to inspire awe and wonder.

I love fall, it's so peaceful.

Happy Birthday (plus 1 day) to this gal..............now 22!

........much love to you sweetheart.